Sadist Toy Designers At The Kinder Surprise Factory…

Posted by admin on April 16, 2008

Today I was in octopus mode.

You know, one of those days when everything seems to happen at once and one person just isn’t enough.

Scientists have been studying cell division for ages so why can’t they do it with people ?

It all started last month when my daughter and I were walking through the park and discovered a little grove of trees infested with mustard colored ladybugs. They appeared to be feasting on smaller insects and enjoying themselves tremendously, much to the amusement of my offspring. She has always been a ladybug fan. But despite her admiration she felt it a little unfair of them to prey on smaller creatures and promptly began poking them as part of her underdog rescue mission.

Needless to say, an hour came and went in the weird quantum land of house husbandry as I looked on in fascination.

Thus was born a new regular visiting spot on our daily outdoor excursions.

Today, being no exception to the rule, after grocery shopping we passed the park on the way home and found our favorite mini forest. We were barely ten seconds inside when out came the dreaded words.

“Papa, I have to make a peepee!”

Biting my bottom lip due to the fact that I had just asked in the store:

“If you need to go, then go now, because we are going to the park.”

And of course with only the creepy crawlies in mind and eager to get there as soon as possibly she said:

“No Papa, I don’t need to go.”

So like an Iron man contestant with one kid in one arm and a severely heavy bag of shopping in the other I sprinted the quarter mile as quickly as one can under such duress.

So we got to the potty in time and had barely wiped when out came the inevitable question:

“Did you buy me a Kinder Surprise egg at the store?”

Knowing full well that I had and stating the obvious I answered:

“Yes honey”

and surrendered the little swiss demonic delight.

Opening these things is a bit hit and miss. Sometimes you get a pre-built toy and other times you get a sadistic puzzle-like nightmare.

Guess what I got today !?!

How did you guess?

Yes, I opened the shell to find ten or so pieces of odd shaped clip together plastic and a few microscopic stickers thrown in for good luck. I am convinced that this company has either insane geniuses or drug induced hippies or both designing these things.

There was also something I had never seen before in a Kinder egg…a tiny rubber band that had to be impossibly stretched across a ring and placed inside a walking garbage can while holding two armish appendages together.

I can tell you, my nerves were stretched just as much as that elastic band.

So come on guys, us parents aren’t so bad that you need to physically and mentally torture us.

Make them surprises more tolerable, please.

Till tomorrow…