House Husband And Child Development

House Husband And Child Development is one of the main topics that has influenced me as a S.A.H.D. (Stay at home Dad) and in particular the gender roles inflicted upon kids at an age when they are very easily influenced. I am not talking about sexual gender roles but rather the character costumes which our children are shoved into and must carry for their whole lives. The pink for girls and blue for boys mentality.

It has long been proven that boys are more sensitive than girls but society advises parents to “toughen up” boys and assigns them specific training tools to force these character traits, as it does with girls. For example my daughter decided to play hairstylist and turned herself into Sinead O’ Connor. I walked into the bathroom (thought she was taking a pee but it was “too quiet” which is always a real giveaway) to be greeted by handful clumps of blond hair…..we went quickly to the hairdressers who said the only way to rescue her unfortunate head was to do a marines haircut. And from the moment we left the salon “Oh, what a cute little guy…how old is he?” chirped a sweet ol’ lady. A week  before that tragic mishap when we went to the playground, with my daughter donning her usual dungarees, the folks were calling her a boy! Excuse me, but my daughter doesn’t like dresses, she finds them stupid cause she can’t play in the sand and stuff like the boys. Maybe it’s just the folks here in Germany.

Anyway, forgive the diversion, so boys are given toys such as trucks, weapons, swords, killer robots where often they would prefer to play with a doll and buggy or girls are given barbies (a topic so long I could write a book…I hate barbies) or tea-sets or play ovens when what they really would like to try is that cowboy hat and them loud cap guns. Of course I understand that there is a difference between men and women later in life (DOH!) but I feel it is totally essential to let kids try different things and not deprive them of their childhood. If a boy doesn’t want to play baseball but would rather learn jazz dancing or a girl would prefer to play with toy soldiers…why the heck not?

I believe that it isn’t the kids that have the problem but the adults who worry more about what the neighbors might think than the development of their offspring. We only get one chance to teach our kids and rather than live their lives and pick their dreams for them maybe it’s time to just be a little more supportive.

The Winter Is A Killer…

Hi Folks,

I’m sorry that I haven’t written in such a long time but the winter was really long.

Not that the winter was particularly longer that any other winter but it was wet and miserable. This meant we couldn’t go out as much as we would have liked so we had to do indoor activities. My daughter is now 4 1/2 and I notice that she needs a lot more mental attention than when she was 3 years old. More puzzles, questions but most of all more time. Not that I’m bitching or moaning but it leaves little time for blogging or other activities. A lot of bread winning men don’t realize what hard word it is to rear a child. At least with a nine to five you can escape for a few minutes to clear your head but a child needs to be constantly kept busy and entertained. But I wouldn’t trade these precious, irreplaceable moments for any job.

For example, we say baby daffodils this morning and she said “Aw, what a pity, the snow bells didn’t make it through the winter and have gone all yellow!” LOL

I explained that they were different flowers but she remained a little doubtful.

These are treasured moments.

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House Husband Blues

I haven’t written for a while because I seem to have gotten a dose of the “House Husband Blues“.

I must admit that I feel fantastic now but there were a couple of months there where I got a little down and thought that maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a house husband. But I’m sure that this thought goes through every parents mind at some time or another.

Well…to update you…my daughter is now potty trained and proud of the fact. She started her second year at the kindergarden and is now a Sophmore (lol) so she gets to show the newbie kids the ropes. But with responsibility also comes frustration and she has reached the stage of “I can do it all and I can do it by myself”. Sometimes this results in a carton of milk on the kitchen floor or a bruised knee…been there done that.

The stigma of househusband has vanished and I have been accepted as a mom who looks like a dad and is a man. But the times they are a changing and my role as a mammapappa is becoming less exotic by the day.

We had a great Summer and went to many family music festivals together…downing ice cream and dogs and making memories to be relished. But now the fall is here it’s back to the grind for my daughter and me. But the grind is good!

Coming Out Of The Closet…

Scenario 1

Silence filled the small room as the next participant slowly made their way through the circle of chairs and walked towards the front of the group.

The man moved with hunched shoulders and had his eyes tilted floor- wards in an obvious gesture of embarrassment.

Reaching the podium he steadied his hulking torso and slowly lifted his tear-streaked face.

“Good evening everybody, my name is Nigel and I am a househusband” the man mumbled in a low voice.

“Hello Nigel” echoed the congregation with heartfelt empathy.

O.K. – so maybe it’s the Sunday air that has brought out the drama queen in me but adjusting to the life of the house husband has had it’s fruity moments.

Our household is relatively normal by todays standards in the sense that the traditional “man works, woman serves” could never function.

Liane works a full 3 cycle shift as a midwife while I try to squeeze in as much teaching work as I can between housework, childcare, shopping etc. etc. etc. (Not moaning !)

Anyway, back to my story.

Scenario 2

The sun is shining and it looks like the start of another beautiful day.

A whistling man pushing a buggy makes his way through the park and opens the small gate leading into the playground.

It is 10:30 a.m. and the playground is naturally packed due to the good weather.

Suddenly the man freezes and feels as if he has just entered the freaky scene from a sci-fi movie.

Just think Stepford Wives (The original not the crappy remake) or the scene from invasion of the body snatchers when they all point their fingers at the kids and let out this shrieking high pitched scream.

So moving as stealth-like as one can in such a situation, the man makes his way to a bench and sits down.

Then the fun begins.

“Who’s he?” one woman whispered.

“Never seen him before, must be unemployed” hissed another.

“Poor man, his wife must be dead” said a granny.

The man took his daughter and helped her up the steps of the baby slide.

One young mother approached the man and said “hello, my name is Catherine”.

“Hello, I’m Nigel, nice to meet you” said the man.

The ball crunching tension suddenly dispersed like a fart with the opening of a big window or a video starting to play again after it had been paused while one made a cup of tea.

The house husband had officially left the closet and would now have to deal with the ensuing sticky sequences that would surely follow.

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The Missing See-Saw…

“Papa , it’s gone !”

“What’s gone ?” I replied somewhat perplexed by my daughters anxiety.

“The see-saw !” she splurted out with a wrinkled lip and tiny wet streaks running down her cheeks.

“Oh !” was the best I could muster over something that to me was so trivial.

“What have they done!” I continued quickly trying to redeem myself.

“That was my favorite see-saw” she said , still totally overwhelmed and befuddled.

“Maybe they have taken it away to repair it” I said with as convincing a voice as I could muster.

“Why would they do that ?” she asked, waiting for my reply like a novice anticipating the wisdom of their learned guru.

“There’s always the swing, you like the swing, don’t you?” I said a little embarrassed with my anti-climax.

Looking at me with the face of one who just gobbled a dozen unripe lemons, she made her way to the swing.

As adults, most of us become a little hardened by our environment, circumstance and age.

For us parents, what may have little value or importance, can be monumental to our kids.

They are fresh to this world and in great need of security both from their guardians and the continuing familiarity of their surroundings.

It’s easy for us to adjust to change but for younger minds these changes can be psychologically disturbing.

Being a house husband is allowing me to once again see the world through the eyes of a child and helping me to remember the things in life which are truly important.

Getting To Know You…

How far is too far ?

Three year old kids are constantly pushing the borders of toleration to see how much they can get away with before Papa says “Stop!”.

This is totally healthy and a necessary part of future character development.

Placing too many restrictions on kids will inhibit their growth while too many liberties will lead them to believe that they can do whatever they want.

Of course I want my kids to believe they can achieve anything they dream of and this is not what I’m talking about.

What I’m referring to is a ruthless personality used to getting what they want by any means possible.

So lines need to be drawn and adhered to by parents being consistent and standing by each other and whatever guideline decisions they make for their children.

This is how children learn to react with others fairly within society by retaining enough ego to fight for what they believe in while having the humility to admit fault or initiate personal change.

Children who learn within this environment and receive all the other parental care they need (healthy nourishment, outdoor activity, sleep, quality time (lack of T.V., junk food (candy, cola etc.) will not have blue faced kicking tantrums at the supermarket.

I feel blessed with my daughter because she has learned to be a strong person and teaches me something new every day.

When there is a debate about something we talk to each other and work it out diplomatically.

Sometimes this isn’t possible but it’s usually because she is tired or thirsty or something is bothering her that has nothing to do with our discussion and this is easy enough to rectify.

And yes, sometimes she says no just to test how far she can go but she knows that when i firmly say no that it must be good for her so after a little objection she finally concedes.

The worst thing you can do in these situations is to revert to a childlike character and start shouting at your child.

Children are like mirrors and will reflect what they see and will begin to believe that verbal conflict leads to resolution. A lot of mistakes parents pass on to their children were learned from their parents so maybe it’s time to break the cycle of tradition and lead our children into a new era.

Sadist Toy Designers At The Kinder Surprise Factory…

Today I was in octopus mode.

You know, one of those days when everything seems to happen at once and one person just isn’t enough.

Scientists have been studying cell division for ages so why can’t they do it with people ?

It all started last month when my daughter and I were walking through the park and discovered a little grove of trees infested with mustard colored ladybugs. They appeared to be feasting on smaller insects and enjoying themselves tremendously, much to the amusement of my offspring. She has always been a ladybug fan. But despite her admiration she felt it a little unfair of them to prey on smaller creatures and promptly began poking them as part of her underdog rescue mission.

Needless to say, an hour came and went in the weird quantum land of house husbandry as I looked on in fascination.

Thus was born a new regular visiting spot on our daily outdoor excursions.

Today, being no exception to the rule, after grocery shopping we passed the park on the way home and found our favorite mini forest. We were barely ten seconds inside when out came the dreaded words.

“Papa, I have to make a peepee!”

Biting my bottom lip due to the fact that I had just asked in the store:

“If you need to go, then go now, because we are going to the park.”

And of course with only the creepy crawlies in mind and eager to get there as soon as possibly she said:

“No Papa, I don’t need to go.”

So like an Iron man contestant with one kid in one arm and a severely heavy bag of shopping in the other I sprinted the quarter mile as quickly as one can under such duress.

So we got to the potty in time and had barely wiped when out came the inevitable question:

“Did you buy me a Kinder Surprise egg at the store?”

Knowing full well that I had and stating the obvious I answered:

“Yes honey”

and surrendered the little swiss demonic delight.

Opening these things is a bit hit and miss. Sometimes you get a pre-built toy and other times you get a sadistic puzzle-like nightmare.

Guess what I got today !?!

How did you guess?

Yes, I opened the shell to find ten or so pieces of odd shaped clip together plastic and a few microscopic stickers thrown in for good luck. I am convinced that this company has either insane geniuses or drug induced hippies or both designing these things.

There was also something I had never seen before in a Kinder egg…a tiny rubber band that had to be impossibly stretched across a ring and placed inside a walking garbage can while holding two armish appendages together.

I can tell you, my nerves were stretched just as much as that elastic band.

So come on guys, us parents aren’t so bad that you need to physically and mentally torture us.

Make them surprises more tolerable, please.

Till tomorrow…

Reflecting On The Last 6 Months…

Yesterday I was reflecting on the last 6 months and how drastically my life has changed.

I don’t mean drastically in a negative way but in a topsy-turvy, what the heck happened the time kind of way! Few men know this but being a house husband is like existing in a parallel universe where time takes on a new meaning.

I know that working in business is also time consuming but as a house husband it seems like there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

When I first took on my new role I was totally terrified of what the future held for me and although I considered myself somewhat prepared for the task, in reality, nothing could have readied me for my new paternal obligations.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was never the macho male stereotype with a hands-off housework approach and always did my fair share of the daily chores including all aspects of caring for our daughter, but despite my prior experience, I was still caught unawares by the varying hiccups that I have had to deal with.

These sometimes sudden surprises still jolt me today.

No amount of practice can prepare a man for the running of a household and the caring of children full time.

I grew up the oldest son with 5 younger sisters but even this knowledge hasn’t aided me in my recent experiences as a house husband.

Anyway, lest you think me a moaning wimp, I guarantee that this is not my intention and I have grown more through my house husbandry over the last 6 months than I had ever expected.

So that’s the reason for this new blog.

I want to share some of my stories both humorous and serious. I also want to start recording my experiences as a house husband daily and maybe get some feedback and tips from you guys and girls.

I look forward to growing even more through this blog and will dedicate myself to write here each day both for the readers and as a legacy for my daughter.

So till tomorrow…